Moving On (2)
Just as it takes your viewer 7 seconds to make up their mind about your profile, the same applies to you when you looking at theirs. Do not waste your time going through their entire page if they have not published a photo or you do not like the look of them. Go on to the next one. I personally allocate a maximum of 30 minutes every morning to viewing the daters which have been sent to me…
Now, that picture looks OK so you delve into their profile. What to look out for:
- Location. If, like me, you want to restrict the distance between you and your date, ignore anyone who does not comply.
- Spelling. This is one of the biggest ‘give aways’. If they are saying they are an engineer or (say) a surgeon but cannot spell, chances are they are not who they are saying they are. Be wary and move on. Many ‘catfishers’ – as they are called – are not as English as they pretend to be…
- “I would rather not say”: I get very suspicious when a dater refuses to comment on their nationality, their marital status, their relationship status or whether they have children or not. I also ignore these entries.
- “Separated” is another red rag for me. What does that mean? For me, being separated implies a problem of an emotional or financial nature. If you are looking for a long-standing relationship, these are issues which could get in the way. Again, I pass the “separated” daters and go onto the next profile.
- Education is a difficult point. Like-minded people tend to flock towards like-minded people, a private or university education (or the absence thereof) can be a sticking point. If it is for you, and you have had such an education, you may like to consider a site such as Toffee which matches you with people from similar backgrounds.
- “They have liked/made me one of their favourites, but do not reply to my messages”. Do not be alarmed by this – it is possible they have seen you on a sister site, but have not subscribed to your site and cannot read/reply to your message. For example, Our Time is a sister site to Match. Match often posts photos of its members on Our Time, but unless this Match member also pays for membership to Our Time, they will not be able to communicate with you other than ticking favourite or sending you a wink.
- “XX has viewed your profile”. “Your profile is proving popular”. Do not waste your time looking at who has viewed you. This is a ploy used by the apps to create more traffic. If the daters cannot be bothered to ‘like you’ or similar, they are not interested. Only look up dates who have you as one of their favourites/winked or sent you a message; anyone else who fails to make contact with you is a waste of your time.
- Exchanges with your daters: Sooner or later, you will be exchanging messages with your dater through a medium other than the app. Because I err on the side of safety (and fun), I would suggest you set up a separate email address – which does not give away your full name. Something along the line of [your acronym]@gmail.com.
You will also have to exchange mobile numbers at some point. It is up to you whether you wish to disclose your existing mobile details (after all, you can always block annoying callers) or buy a disposable mobile for this purpose only.
- Choice of venue: I personally like my dater to choose the venue. Their choice can say a lot about their knowledge of London and how in tune they are with your tastes.
For more about the date itself, please go to Moving On (3)